Weary

Google's definition of weary is:

feeling or showing tiredness, especially as a result of excessive exertion or lack of sleep.

I have experienced weariness in the forms described above but the weariness I'm experiencing now is the weariness "as a result of excessive exertion".  I try too hard to rest, to live, to trust.  Again, as many times before, I feel like that hamster on a wheel running and running and running and not getting anywhere.  Just going in circles.  Retracing the same steps time and time again.  I do not know how to truly rest.

Today my prayer is -

Father, please show me how to rest in You.  Show me how to rest in the finished work of the cross.  My efforts are exhausting.  I feel so weary sometimes. 

The Word says "take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls".  (Matt 11:29 NIV)

Hebrews 4:9-11 says "There remains, then, a Sabbath-rest for the people of God; for anyone who enters God's rest also rests from their works, just as God did from His.  Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will perish by following their example of disobedience."

So, I know there is a rest that I haven't entered.  And I believe that rest is the finished work of Jesus. 

John 14:1 says, "Do not let your hearts be troubled.  You believe in God; believe also in Me."

So, Lord, help me believe in Jesus and His finished work on the cross for me just as much as I believe in You.  Help me rest in what He has done and stop wearing myself out focused on me and what I can do.

When Jesus was buried He was carrying my sins and my sicknesses.  When He arose, He wasn't carrying those things any longer.  He left them behind.  Help me leave them behind also.  I believe with all my heart that it is a package deal - forgiveness and healing.  In Psalms 103 the Word says, "He forgiveth all thine iniquities; He healeth all thy diseases".  I don't always feel forgiven but I am.  I may not always feel healed but the Word says I am.  I may not understand everything.  I certainly don't understand everything.  But I know the Word is truth.  So - I will "Trust in the Lord with all my heart, and lean not unto my own understanding."  I will "In all my ways acknowledge Him and He will direct my steps."  (Prov 3:5-6)

In Jesus beautiful and majestic Name,
Elaine  

Still Chugging

I am still chugging along on this journey to freedom.  The Word says Jesus has set me free and I am determined to walk in that freedom.  Slowly learning to still all the voices that pull me so many different ways.  Different preachers, teachers, books, etc.  I am learning to listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit as He speaks to me - so softly.  What He says is without error.  I will continue to test everything I believe He is saying to me with scripture and I will keep walking, chugging on this journey to freedom.  Whom the Son has set free is free indeed.

Journey to Freedom

Hello.  My name is Elaine.  I am one bound up chick.  I go from feeling free to feeling like a top spinning out of control in zero to sixty seconds on a regular basis.  If my husband wasn't a saint he would have given up on me years ago.  But he is a saint and he keeps me going by loving me through whatever phase I'm in at the moment.

This battle in my mind is beginning to make a little more sense to me as I think about what I believe God has placed in my heart.  My heart's desire is to love on women.  I want to see every woman set free, healed and delivered.  Feeling like the princess that God created her to be.  So - what better way to keep me from my calling than for me to be bound up in chains.  When I'm bound I'm thinking about myself.  This is a fact Jack.  I get so tired of thinking about myself sometimes I could scream, literally.  And I have.

I have read so many books and done so many Bible studies trying to find the answer.  The one thing that is going to get me to that place of freedom.  All these books and all these Bible studies are written by people who have some kind of issue(s) just like me.  Because no one on this earth is free from issues.  Some visible.  Some invisible.  Some realized.  Some unrealized.  I know down in me that Jesus is the only way to freedom for me.  His Words are the only words that are infallible and not written or spoken by someone with issues and imperfections.  My foundation has got to be Jesus and Him alone.

I have gotten up at 5:00am for years to be alone with the Lord before the noise and busyness of the day begins.  It has been my lifeline.  I can't even begin to imagine where I would be without this seeking of the Lord each day.  Yet still bound.  Still areas of confusion.  Part of that I believe is all the voices around us in the world today.  But that is a different thought for a different post.

One morning in July I was sitting with the Lord.  I had my Bible in my lap and I told the Lord that I sit here every morning like this just searching and digging for a nugget to get me through my day.  To get me closer to that place of freedom that I so desire.  I cried out to the Lord to give me a nugget.  He spoke to me and then He gave me a scripture.

1.  He told me I was punishing myself for areas that I believe I had failed Him.
2.  He gave me this scripture:

Song of Songs 2: 14

My dove in the clefts of the rock, in the hiding places on the mountainside, show me your face, let me hear your voice;  for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely.

Well, after sobbing like a child, I have tried to absorb this.  I have got to forgive myself for my "issues".  He isn't punishing me so I need to stop punishing myself.  And - I have got to come out of hiding and be the woman He created me to be.  He wants to see my face and hear my voice.  He thinks I am lovely and that my voice is sweet.  Who am I to argue with the One that created me and the One who makes all things new.  I have got to be me and accept me and love me so I can help other women do the same.  As long as the enemy can keep me focused on my shortcomings and issues I will stay self-focused and no good to anyone else.

I am on a journey to freedom.  A journey of accepting myself and standing on the Word - the Word written and the Word(Jesus) as He speaks to my heart.  All the other voices have to be drowned out by the one sure Word.

Here's to freedom - one step and one day at a time.  Seeking first Him,...

Me - The Big-Mouthed Introvert

This is so me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  As a general rule, I talk a lot and that would lead to thinking that an introvert wouldn't be me.  But being around people for any length of time really wears me out.  It totally drains me.  Below is a definition that describes me to a tee.

Definition: Contrary to what most people think, an introvert is not simply a person who is shy. In fact, being shy has little to do with being an introvert! Shyness has an element of apprehension, nervousness and anxiety, and while an introvert may also be shy, introversion itself is not shyness. Basically, an introvert is a person who is energized by being alone and whose energy is drained by being around other people.

Introverts are more concerned with the inner world of the mind. They enjoy thinking, exploring their thoughts and feelings. They often avoid social situations because being around people drains their energy. This is true even if they have good social skills. After being with people for any length of time, such as at a party, they need time alone to "recharge."

When introverts want to be alone, it is not, by itself, a sign of depression. It means that they either need to regain their energy from being around people or that they simply want the time to be with their own thoughts. Being with people, even people they like and are comfortable with, can prevent them from their desire to be quietly introspective.

Being introspective, though, does not mean that an introvert never has conversations. However, those conversations are generally about ideas and concepts, not about what they consider the trivial matters of social small talk.

Obedience

Obedience brings peace.

Freedom / Peace

I tasted freedom and I liked it.  Freedom brings peace or maybe it's vice versa.  Or both.  Regardless, freedom and peace - oh, how I long to be there and stay there. 

Father, help me know where that place is for me.  That place that brings freedom and peace in this everyday life.  I love You.

Simplicity

Today I yearn for the simple life.  A simple life.  A mind at rest in the midst of life,...

Today's Thoughts

1.  Debt is from the pit of hell.
2.  It is nobody's business if I want to let my hair go natural.
3.  I am a flawed human being.
4.  God thinks my face is lovely and my voice is sweet.  Don't believe me, see Song of Songs 2:14.
5.  My husband is the most wonderful man in the entire universe.
6.  It's ok to be me.  Really, it's ok.

The Sidelines

Anything that keeps us sitting on the sidelines and not out and about serving the Lord is not a good thing.  It is time to put aside anything and everything that hinders us from going out and loving on people.  From showing them the Father's love.  The Father's heart.  While we are snug in our comfortable little worlds, there are young girls being raped by ISIS.  There are young girls aborting precious little babies.  There are women being beaten by their husbands.  There is a hurting world that needs the comfort of the Lord.  They need someone to stand up and fight for them.  This world is a scary place with horrendous things happening right in plain view and we do nothing.  I, for one, do not want to sit on the sidelines any longer.  I want to make a difference with this one life the Lord has given me.  I want to leave a legacy for the glory of God.  

Hebrews 12:1-4

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.  Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.  Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.  In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood.

I'm tired of easy.  Wasting away time that could be used for something that matters.  I'm asking the Lord to show me anything and everything that I need to throw off.  Anything that hinders me from running the race He has for me.  I'm also asking for the courage to do whatever He shows me and the resources.  Everything in this world is at His disposal and all my so-called limitations are nothing to Him.  

So today, I am looking for opportunities to help whomever the Lord places in my path.  I am starting where I am and open to where He wants me to go.  One step, one request, One magnificent, glorious God Who is well-able.  For the love,...  

Thoughts on Paper (so to speak)

Lord, break my heart for what breaks Yours.

Support group - for women who are sexually confused as to their orientation.  Maybe gone as far as attempting to change who God created them to me - female to male.  I can't imagine the confusion in their minds.  Especially when God begins to shine His light on their situation.  He loves them.  Inside, deep inside, they know they are women.  That moment when they feel that they have gone too far for God to forgive them and commune with them.  They will need someone to wrap their arms around them and tell them that someone cares and God cares.

His love endures forever,...

Jesus - Forever

Please, click on the link below and be blessed!  It is Kari Jobe - Forever.  It is a 12 minute video but ohhhhhhhhhhh, so worth the time.  A man speaks close to the middle and it is very powerful.  Our Jesus is beyond words,...  Our Jesus is the Word.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=huFra1mnIVE

Today and Tomorrow

Oh my precious Lord,

What ignorance,... and arrogance, is the so-called knowledge of Your sheep.  We oftentimes think we know what the day holds but we are so ignorant,... and arrogant.  I know those words sound ugly but they are true.  You are God.  Only You know all things.  You know what each day holds.  I am learning daily to be satisfied in the knowledge that I know the One Who holds this day and all of my tomorrows. 

1 John 4:18 NIV

There is no fear in love.  But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment.  The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

I have often thought about this scripture.  I kept trying to put myself in there.  Into being the one who has to love perfectly.  That's not how it is.  Actually, that is quite impossible.  I cannot love perfectly.  But once I realize that God loves me perfectly- all the time - I can begin to grasp that there truly is nothing to fear.  He is perfect.  I can trust Him with EVERYTHING.  Anything that comes my way, He knows about.  He's seen it.  He knows how the story ends before it even begins.  He has me in the palm of His hand. 

He holds my today and He holds my tomorrow.  He holds your today and He holds your tomorrow.  His perfect love can be trusted.  Do not trust what you know.  Trust Who you know.   

New Mercies - New Day

If no one ever reads this but me, that's OK.  I am declaring that today is a new day.  Today - TODAY - I begin a new study of the Word of God.  My study.  Well - me and the Holy Spirit.  I have completed so many Bible studies I can't begin to remember them all.  I have sat under many preachers and teachers.  I have had a quiet time for years and I mean years!  I habitually, without fail, got up at 5:00 am to have my time with the Lord and I do that now.  Yet - sometimes I just feel like a hamster on a wheel spinning and spinning and spinning.  The Word says one thing and my life says another.  This preacher or teacher says one thing and another one says something else.  I try very hard to listen to the Spirit of the Lord but sometimes it gets confusing.  I want to know what God says.  I want to know what God wants for me in this life.  I want to know what I need to do to walk in victory.  I want to help others walk in victory.  I do not want to leave one thing under the tree (so to speak) that Jesus wants me to have.  SO - I say that to say this.  TODAY I am beginning my own personal in-depth study of the Word without any outside influences, as much as that is possible in life.  In Proverbs the Word says that the Word is "life to those who find it and health to one's whole body".  I need life and I need health.  I believe God's Word is infallible.  I believe God's Word is Truth.  I believe Jesus is the Word.  So, I am going to stop trying to change me and I am going to see the Word work in my life as I truly give It first place - above man's knowledge.  I am seeking the Wisdom of God.