Still Chugging

I am still chugging along on this journey to freedom.  The Word says Jesus has set me free and I am determined to walk in that freedom.  Slowly learning to still all the voices that pull me so many different ways.  Different preachers, teachers, books, etc.  I am learning to listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit as He speaks to me - so softly.  What He says is without error.  I will continue to test everything I believe He is saying to me with scripture and I will keep walking, chugging on this journey to freedom.  Whom the Son has set free is free indeed.

Journey to Freedom

Hello.  My name is Elaine.  I am one bound up chick.  I go from feeling free to feeling like a top spinning out of control in zero to sixty seconds on a regular basis.  If my husband wasn't a saint he would have given up on me years ago.  But he is a saint and he keeps me going by loving me through whatever phase I'm in at the moment.

This battle in my mind is beginning to make a little more sense to me as I think about what I believe God has placed in my heart.  My heart's desire is to love on women.  I want to see every woman set free, healed and delivered.  Feeling like the princess that God created her to be.  So - what better way to keep me from my calling than for me to be bound up in chains.  When I'm bound I'm thinking about myself.  This is a fact Jack.  I get so tired of thinking about myself sometimes I could scream, literally.  And I have.

I have read so many books and done so many Bible studies trying to find the answer.  The one thing that is going to get me to that place of freedom.  All these books and all these Bible studies are written by people who have some kind of issue(s) just like me.  Because no one on this earth is free from issues.  Some visible.  Some invisible.  Some realized.  Some unrealized.  I know down in me that Jesus is the only way to freedom for me.  His Words are the only words that are infallible and not written or spoken by someone with issues and imperfections.  My foundation has got to be Jesus and Him alone.

I have gotten up at 5:00am for years to be alone with the Lord before the noise and busyness of the day begins.  It has been my lifeline.  I can't even begin to imagine where I would be without this seeking of the Lord each day.  Yet still bound.  Still areas of confusion.  Part of that I believe is all the voices around us in the world today.  But that is a different thought for a different post.

One morning in July I was sitting with the Lord.  I had my Bible in my lap and I told the Lord that I sit here every morning like this just searching and digging for a nugget to get me through my day.  To get me closer to that place of freedom that I so desire.  I cried out to the Lord to give me a nugget.  He spoke to me and then He gave me a scripture.

1.  He told me I was punishing myself for areas that I believe I had failed Him.
2.  He gave me this scripture:

Song of Songs 2: 14

My dove in the clefts of the rock, in the hiding places on the mountainside, show me your face, let me hear your voice;  for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely.

Well, after sobbing like a child, I have tried to absorb this.  I have got to forgive myself for my "issues".  He isn't punishing me so I need to stop punishing myself.  And - I have got to come out of hiding and be the woman He created me to be.  He wants to see my face and hear my voice.  He thinks I am lovely and that my voice is sweet.  Who am I to argue with the One that created me and the One who makes all things new.  I have got to be me and accept me and love me so I can help other women do the same.  As long as the enemy can keep me focused on my shortcomings and issues I will stay self-focused and no good to anyone else.

I am on a journey to freedom.  A journey of accepting myself and standing on the Word - the Word written and the Word(Jesus) as He speaks to my heart.  All the other voices have to be drowned out by the one sure Word.

Here's to freedom - one step and one day at a time.  Seeking first Him,...